


i can't be your lover on a leash (every other week)

by asahijpeg



Series: snktober month 2020 [6]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Eremin - Freeform, Eren is clueless, High School, M/M, armin is pining, armin thinks about his relationship with eren, day six: nostalgia, eren and armin fight, snktober, snktober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26859697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asahijpeg/pseuds/asahijpeg
Summary: "i love you, but you're killing me, eren."
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager
Series: snktober month 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1945990
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52
Collections: SNKTOBER Month 2020





	i can't be your lover on a leash (every other week)

“so there’s this really pretty girl in my government class,” eren says, staring up at the stars as he lays in the grass of his backyard. “her name is carina. she’s got long brown hair and-”

armin, also laying on his back to stargaze, immediately starts turning his green eyed friend out, already tired of hearing about this week’s person that eren has a crush on. something like every couple of weeks, he’s gushing about some classmate he thinks is  _ really cute _ and how he  _ really likes them, armin, i’m serious. _ he starts talking to them, which leads to him not talking to armin, and he only comes back when the inevitable short lived honeymoon period comes to an end, when he is no longer entertained by the classmate and decides to make is way back to one of the only people who’s managed to keep him around.

heaving what he hopes is a silent sigh, armin continues to ignore eren’s rambling, instead electing to pick out constellations in the sky, to make his own and give them his own meanings. as he’s trying to find cassiopeia, suddenly eren’s voice is coming back to him, sharp and haughty, jarring him out of the reverie he’d placed himself in.

“armin, are you even listening to me?” he questions, his eyebrows narrowed when armin turns his head to look over at him.

the blond is taken aback just a bit, the cold feeling of anxiety beginning to creep into him as he gazes at his childhood friend. “yeah, of course i was!”

a look of  _ i just caught you red-handed _ crosses over the brunette’s face, a sinister smile making the features on his face look nothing short of deadly. “alright then. what’s her favorite color?”

armin freezes and suddenly, there’s a shift of emotion in the air; this is no longer just two best friends hanging out with each other, there’s something more foreboding and dangerous brewing between them. he’s scrabbling for an answer in his head and eren clearly thinks he takes too long to respond because the expression on his face sharpens almost immediately once he’s realized he’s rendered armin to a loss for words.

“so you  _ weren’t _ paying attention,” he says, his voice dripping with what armin wants to believe is playful malice, just a friend joking about how he was spaced out, but he knows there’s something darker lurking there. “what? jealous or something?”

and suddenly, armin can feel a rubber band snap within him, a dam coming undone and letting everything it was holding back run absolutely rampant. his face burns hot as the backs of his eyes sting with tears, trying to find the words. when he finally speaks, he wishes he could take it back.

“yeah, of  _ her _ .”

both boys freeze, staring at each other in the moonlight, blinking dumbly as they both process armin’s words. armin, in maddening state of anxiety and anger, pushes himself to rambling, the idea of giving eren a piece of his mind too enticing to pass up.

“you’re always,  _ always _ going on about the people you have crushes on in your classes. they don’t even  _ last _ that long, eren! not one person can keep you entertained long enough for you to develop an actual crush on! and you just leave me in the dust, waiting on you to come back like a lost dog coming home. yet here i am hoping and praying that maybe one day, you’ll wake up and realize that i’ve been here the whole time, that i’m the only person who’s been able to keep you around and that i  _ love _ you, but you’re  _ killing _ me, eren. i can’t… i can’t do it anymore!”

the boys are left blinking dumbly at one another again, armin’s eyes watering and overflowing with warm tears that leave tracks across his cheeks. despite the chill september night air, it’s suddenly too stifling and armin will do anything to get out of this situation. he’s scrambling to stand when eren finally seems to get his train of thought back on track.

“who told you that you could have an opinion on my love life?” he spits, anger clearly taking over him as he stays sitting on the grass, green eyes burning holes into armin’s back. “because i don’t think  _ i  _ ever told you that i cared what you think about it.”

armin spins on his heels, whipping around so quickly that he’s surprised he doesn’t give himself whiplash; his usually calm blue eyes are now on fire, an uncharacteristic rage burning behind them. “ _ you _ did, eren!  _ you _ told me i could when you made it a point of telling me about the new person you’re in love with every other fucking week!”

“i don’t think that’s how that works-”

“oh, but it is, eren. that’s how it’s always been.”

the pair stare at each other for a long stretch of a second, vengeful blue ones boring so deeply into green ones that eren finds himself genuinely  _ afraid _ of armin in this moment; armin, who rescues birds with broken wings, who takes cares of kittens and puppies left in boxes on the sidewalk, who gets so animated and excited when he talks about his dreams. eren is realizing how much he must have been hurting armin when armin speaks again, his voice is rough and steadfast, gaze falling to his feet.

“i can’t be here anymore. i’m going home.”

the blond begins to stalk off, his arms crossed tightly over his chest and his eyes downcast as he makes his way across the lawn to the gate. eren stands, wobbling on his feet, hands shaking as he watches the boy retreat tearfully.

“armin, wait-”

he sees the boy shake his head, done so almost  _ violently _ . “don’t talk to me anymore, eren. not right now.”

so eren falls silent, instead letting his gaze linger on him until he disappears beyond the gate, left to fall to his knees in the grass, coherent words escaping him.

armin’s walk home is a long one it seems like, all empty sidewalks and quiet night sounds, just him and the crickets and the frogs, accompanied by stars that twinkle comfortingly above him. with nothing to distract him, his mind wanders aimlessly, not a goal or task at hand; it fixates on the things he said to eren, how maybe he was overly critical, just overreacting to the situation, how he was needlessly mean to the only friend he’d ever really had.

_ stupid, _ he thinks to himself.  _ you’re stupid.  _

in an attempt to get the situation out of his mind long enough to cool down, he pulls out his phone, sighing in relief when he realizes eren hasn’t yet tried to contact him; not a single text or call has been made from the boy yet, filling armin with rivaling senses of comfort and anxiety. the moment he unlocks his phone, though, regret is flooding through his veins, the picture of him and eren he’d set as his home screen glaring up at him in the darkness.

he sighs once more, task of taking his mind off the situation at hand now replaced by an overwhelming need to relive other things, the good memories he has with eren. gallery app opened, armin scrolls through the picture album reserved for photos of just him and eren: the pair dressed up for their senior year homecoming dance a few months ago, sitting on the beach over summer break, eren coming to support armin at a photography competition early last year, photo upon photo of the pair reminding armin of all the happiest times he’d shared with eren.

“ _ your photos are the best ones here, armin. seriously. if you don’t win first place, i’ll fight the judges or something.” _

_ armin laughs under his breath, shaking his head. “don’t do that. you’ll just make me look bad.” _

_ eren smiles brightly, shrugging his shoulders. “fine. i’ll just have to have a nonviolent chat with them instead.” _

he remembers how excited the brunette was for him when he’d ended up winning first place in that competition, rushing up to him after it was over with an ecstatic  _ see, i knew you could do it! _ and a dazzling smile. 

armin smiles despite himself, tears still pooling in his eyes, overwhelmed the all the conflicting emotions battling it out in his head. he wonders if it ever crossed eren’s mind what he was doing to him, the pain he was putting him through; was it intentional, this game of one-sided cat and mouse, of eren leaving him wordlessly and coming back to him, tears in his eyes when his object of affection didn’t return his feelings, or was it accidental, just another dumb boy not realizing the feelings of his friend, unknowingly stabbing knife after knife into his back? 

_ you’re killing me, eren _ , he’d said.  _ i can’t do it anymore _ .

_ you’re killing me, eren, _ he’d meant,  _ but i still need you more than i need anything else. _

his thoughts reoccupied with the good moments he’d shared with his friend, armin continued his trek home, wiping tears from his eyes every so often. as much as it pained him to do so, he was beginning to realize things he hadn’t before and with a final look at his phone, he locked it and pocketed the device.

_ i need to find who i am when i don’t have you, eren. don’t come back to my door.  _

**Author's Note:**

> title from "the cut that always bleeds" by conan gray, kid krow (2020)
> 
> armin pining? it's more likely than you think


End file.
